Paleo

Tomorrow will be a week since I started Paleo, the caveman diet.  I can honestly say that I have used more will power this past week than I think in my entire life. As I think back on hard things in my life things come to mind like passing a certain class in college, my mission, labor.  But what I have done this past week is a different kind of hard.  Not because it's the HARDEST thing I've ever done in my life but because it requires a different focus and commitment every minute for a foodie like myself.

The idea behind Paleo is that you can eat anything the cavemen ate, and nothing more. According to the diet, this means all fruits and most veggies minus heavy starches like corn and potatoes.  Nuts yes but peanuts no because they're considered a legume... so no legumes.  Also, no dairy, sugar or grains.  So yeah.. fruits, vegetables, nuts and meat.  That's it.  And people.  We did this cold turkey.  Over the weekend we kind of bantered the idea back and forth.  We both were feeling like we wanted to lose weight in a very effective yet healthy way and Jered has a friend who had a lot of success with this.  Monday morning I woke up and decided today is the day I start Paleo.. and Jered was in.

So, I went from eating tons of carbs, yogurt, chocolate and any other yummy food you can think of in semi moderation to eating none of it.  But the point of this post isn't to complain about how awful this week has been... because it has been pretty awful.  It is to comment on how good this has been for me.

As I think about my life, there is no area in which I exercise complete control, no place have perfect discipline.  The house is clean most but not all the time, I exercise most but not all the time, I'm patient and kind and all that most but not all the time.  But this is something that I can do perfectly.  I can completely control the natural [wo]man inside me who is screaming for chocolate or some delicious bread or just a can of beans for heaven's sake.

Every morning I wake up feeling energized and ready for the day.  Every night by dinner time I am begging Jered to cheat just a little bit.  Just one handful of m&ms.. anything!  What I didn't know when I started this, however, was what amazing will power Jered has.  Seriously the guy won't budge no matter how rational I try and make cheating a little.  In short, I would have given up on day 1 without his encouragement.  But then, every night when I lay down in my bed, I'm proud of myself for getting through another day.  For not putting one m&m in my mouth even when he wasn't looking or one crumb of bread.  As much as we are in this together it also a personal decision I am making to be strong.  And it has surprisingly taught me a lot about myself; I feel like if I can do this I can do other hard things.  Things like waking up early and exercising, training for a race and who knows what else.

In a way, it has taught me about the gospel of Jesus Christ.  We are given these bodies that in their natural state are lazy, glutenous and selfish.  I want to use this lesson I am learning through this 30 days cleanse of Paleo (who knows what will happen after that but one thing I will say is there is no way I'm never eating cheesecake or chocolate or bread again..yum.. ok moving on) to overcome one tiny portion of the natural man and then hopefully use that new found confidence to exercise the same will in other less than perfect parts of my life.

One week down three to go... wish me luck!!

Life with a 3 month baby!

I'm going to try to stop saying this every post, but I honestly can't believe our baby is 3 months old!  I keep wanting to post in between his month posts and then before I know it another month has gone by!  It's the same with everything though, on the one hand, I can't believe he is already 3 months, on the other hand I can't remember what life was like without him.

This month has, for me, been the most fun.  Luke is getting so interactive and when he smiles and coos and flaps his arms and legs just because I talk to him, it melts my heart.. every time.. it never gets old.  

Month 3

Luke is starting to be able to roll from his side to his back, something that makes his previous side sleeping a little tricky. He prefers to sleep on his side but he doesn't know how to get there once on his back.  

He has become such a smiley boy.  Especially after naps and when we go on walks.  He loves walking and is all smiles the whole time.  I LOVE it.  He loves it when we sing and dance.  He gets so excited and flails his arms and legs like crazy.  

He is such a happy baby.  The only time he is fussy is bed time. He falls right to sleep for naps but for some reason he hates bed time.  Jered has devised this bed on the floor where he can feel the air from the window on his face and he sleeps the best there.  I don't know what makes the difference because he takes two naps or more a day in his crib just fine!

He does this thing with his hands, always has, where it looks like he's about to pray.  He always has them up by his face in that position when he eats or is just hanging out.  It is adorable. 

He is starting to get really good at recognizing me and will look for me when he hears my voice and sometimes even cries when someone else has him and he sees me.  I know it's probably not good but I sort of love it..

He still breathes like a grimlan and has starting to drool like crazy!!  His whole front is covered in drool at all times.  

He is starting coo a lot more and gets so excited when we play with him.  I was telling Jered the other day I can't stop talking to him.  At home, in public, if he's awake we're talking and I love it when he responds to me.  I thought I would miss him being a tiny newborn but I am LOVING this stage he is in.    It's perfect because he's not grabbing everything and getting into things, he just lays on the ground and coos and smiles at you.  I think it is that interaction that I haven't been able to have with him until now is what has made this month such a special one and why I feel like my love for him has increased ten fold.  I love nothing more than when he wakes up all smiley and wants to play with mama.  I never thought I would enjoy that interaction so much, that I would miss him when he's been asleep for a long time but I totally do.  I feel so blessed to have such a sweet boy in my life.  To have a little buddy who goes with me everywhere and who is happy just to be there.  Love you bug! 

Here are some pics from family pictures with Amy Rex and then some of the bug.  

2 Months

Actually, Luke is now over 9 weeks but I've been trying to post this for the past week. I honestly can't believe I am in my second month of motherhood!

*Disclaimer: This is another lengthy post about my baby.  It is mostly for me because I want to remember all these little details but I like the idea of blogging all of it, so feel free to read if you feel so inclined.

This month has been so fun.  Luke has gotten so much more interactive.  He is smiling like crazy.  Those first smiles are unforgettable.  At first, he would just pull up the corner of one mouth and kind of open his mouth and coo.  Then, he started smiling with both sides of his mouth but it was really hard to get his attention long enough to look at me and smile.  Now, almost every morning when he wakes up and I change him he looks at me and coos and smiles.  It seriously melts my heart every time.  Just in the past week, he has been smiling bigger like real smiles and getting excited when we talk to him and does kind of a laugh.  I can't get enough.  It sounds so cliche but I really don't want to miss one smile.  When he starts cooing and smiling I stop whatever I'm doing, even if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone just to watch him.  I never knew something so small could literally make my whole day better.  Babies are just like that I guess..

He is so much more alert and interactive.  It is so fun to see him passing little milestones every day. Things I want to remember about his second month besides smiling:

-He is much more alert.  He is getting a lot better at making eye contact and can track pretty well some things, especially things that light up like phones.
-His absolute favorite thing is lights.  He could look at them for days.  It's so funny.  Put a bright light in his peripheral and good luck getting him to look at anything else.  His other favorite things to look at are in the mirror at his chubby little mug and the roof of his carseat.  It has a geometric pattern that fascinates him.  It was so cute because he's always been in that same carseat obviously and it was like one day it just clicked that there had been this cool thing to look at the whole time and now he can't stop staring!
- One day, Luke was crying and Jered did airplane with him just to see how he would react.  He lifted Luke up supporting his chest and legs and "flew" him around the room. Luke stopped crying immediately. Now, whenever he gets really upset that's our go to and it's almost fail-proof.  He loves the airplane so much he forgets whatever he's crying about. His face is also priceless.
- I have been noticing that he is starting to respond to us more.  I don't really know when babies start to get separation anxiety and he doesn't really have that but there are certain things that he does that makes me think he knows who we are and he likes it when we're with him more than just responding to our voices and things like that.  Like, this morning I got out of the shower just as he was waking up and starting to fuss. I came into the room and said "hey baby Lu" and, without even seeing me, he stopped crying.  Now, that's not always the case of course but it made me think maybe he knows I'm coming and that calms him down.  Also, when I was getting ready this morning, I propped him up on the floor so he could see me but then went into the other room.  He started crying but when I came back in and put him in his bouncer where he could see me, he started smiling and cooing at me.  I don't know if any of that means anything, but there is nothing better than feeling like Luke actually wants me there.  When babies are born, they really can't differentiate between you and any stranger on the street, so I love that he is starting to do that more.
- Luke continues to breath like a little gremlin... constantly.  It is so funny but I'm starting to wonder if it's normal for him to still be doing it at two months?
-He sleeps pretty much through the night. He's a night owl though and it's hard for me to get him to sleep before 11 or midnight, but once he's asleep, he'll sleep for at least 6 hours if not 8, and once I feed him he sleeps for another few hours.  He has woken up for the day at 11 for the past 5 days.  It is such a blessing and I'm sure I'll get it bad my next baby but for now it is so nice to be able to have some time to exercise and get some things done before he gets up.

My love for this baby just gets stronger and stronger.  I love nothing more than spending time with my little family. It is so fun for me to see Jered with him too.  He loves that baby so much and is so good with him.  Just tonight I was cooking dinner and Luke was in his bouncer and Jered was playing with him when he called for me to hurry over.  I ran over and Jered was so excited because Luke was reaching for his hanging toy for the first time.  I love that he gets excited about those things like I do.  I love that we equally share the amazing experience of having this first little boy in our lives and I am so grateful to be doing it with him.

First time hot tubbing as a family.. Luke loved it!

Easter Sunday

This year, Easter Sunday was pretty special for us.  Not only did we get to spend it with my family in Utah, we also got to bless baby Luke.
It was so fun to go up to Utah and finally have the rest of my family meet baby Luke.  (My mom, my aunt Robynn and my brother and sister-in-law Tay and Ash were the only ones who had met him previously). My dad and brothers Mitch and Bren were so cute with him and I was surprised how much time they wanted to spend with him.  Brennan was especially quotable checking when we first got there to make sure Luke was a boy and then later saying while Luke cooed at Bren, "he's talking but I don't relate."  Love that kid.  I even asked him to go check on Luke for me during one of his naps and Bren informed me that he "just did."  My dad was also so cute to watch. He didn't want to let go of Luke and he and my mom even slept with him on one of the nights. I don't think Jered and I held him the whole time we were there except to feed and change him, but that's ok, he was in good hands.

 Sunday morning we woke up and had Easter baskets.  Both my mom and I had gotten stuff for Luke and even though he had no idea what was going on, it was so fun to give him stuffed bunnies and toys and books, just to celebrate his very first holiday.  I love that it was also his blessing day.  As we were about to leave for church, I put him on the couch and put all the things he had gotten for Easter around him and it was like everyone forgot what we were doing and went crazy taking pictures of little Luke.  For the next 15 minutes my mom, me, Jered, Ash and Tay snapped pictures and oohed and aaahed over how cute he looked.  That little boy was the center of attention in the Hawkins home that's for sure.

 I loved listening to Jered bless Luke.  Love that he made it so personal; it is such an amazing thing for me to watch my husband become a father.  There is already something so unique about he and Luke's relationship and I think blessing Luke only deepened that.  Jered is such a good dad.  He fusses over Luke sometimes more than I do and is so good with him. They are going to be best buddies.

Luke in his blessing outfit.  The romper was worn by all by brothers and the shoes are from 1931.  Jered's grandpa, dad and he wore them.  Love.  

Easter Sunday was so perfect.  It was filled with family and friends, yummy food and beautiful sunshine.  I love everything about Easter Sunday from the blossoms bursting from the trees to the chocolate eggs and bunnies to seeing the little kids in their new easter outfits all bright and shiny and new.  I love that we get to go to church every Easter and remember the reason we celebrate, and I love coming together as a family and remembering why it is so important that we follow that Man whom we celebrate, who died and was raised again for us.

    

Cousins Sammy and Luke

               

 

Becoming a mom

These last couple of days have been rocky.  Now that Luke is six weeks old, I feel like this is when all the books and everything online say to start getting more serious about schedules and sleep and everything.  It has kind of been stressing me out because I feel like Luke is all over the place still which I'm also told is normal but it's not really ideal when trying to schedule things.  Yesterday, however, was a train wreck and it made me so nervous that he was starting to develop bad habits because of me just letting him do whatever.  He somehow got ridiculously over tired and ended up sleeping for about 20 minutes in the morning and then again at like 3 and that was it until midnight.  He was fussy and wanted to nurse and every time I took him off he would scream.  Needless to say, I was frustrated and at my whits end... BUT I had a great conversation with my wonderful friend Lindsey Millet who was full of helpful advise which I have been trying to implement today and it has made a world of difference...the kid is sleeping as we speak.  

The point of all this is that while previously mentioned events ensued I found myself questioning my ability as a mother.  I also found myself losing patience, something I try really hard not to do with Luke.  But it made me realize something; this is what motherhood is all about.  If we all had perfect children, what would be the point?  A perfect and trial-less life never made anyone a better person.  This is what raising a family is for, why the brethren stress is so much, why God stresses it so much.  It is the best way to become a selfless person.  As I was sorting through my emotions yesterday I remembered experiencing a similar feeling while in the MTC.  I was completely overwhelmed and in over my head wondering what on earth I was doing when the thought came to me, "you aren't a missionary because you got set apart and have a batch on, you have to become a missionary."  It is an experience I have always remembered, and as that memory came into my head, I realized that the same principle applied here.  Yes I am a mother in the literal sense of the word when my baby is born, but emotionally spiritually and in every other way, I have to become a mother.  Just like I have to become a good wife and become a worthy daughter of my Father in Heaven. It reminded me of the scripture in Ether about having our weaknesses becoming out strengths.  And I went to bed last night happy for the chance to start again today, to become a better mom. 

Love this boy...

  

Company and a trip to the river!

The past couple weeks have been crazy!  We have had so much company, it has been so fun.  At the beginning of March, we had our dear friend Elise come down and stay with us.  I'm so glad she got to come down and meet baby Luke and I'm STOKED because she just found out she is having a boy too!  That makes three besties, Andra, Elise and I who are all going to have first boys. I'm sad that they will live in three different states though.  A couple of days after Elise left, my brother Tay and sister-in-law Ash came down over their Spring break.  We partied hard but were bummed because it rained the whole weekend they were here.  We loved having them though, they just really laid back and fun to have around.  I wish they lived closer!  Some day... The next week, my mom flew down for a quick visit (less than 24 hours) to see baby Luke.  We spent the day at Santa Monica Pier which was beautiful.  I love being at home and having the time to play when people come down!
Note: These pics are all from my phone so some of them are really blurry.. don't judge

This past weekend we went to the Colorado River with some friends.  It was so fun to get out again and have the energy to do it!  Baby Lu was a hit, everyone was so sweet with him.  It was a way fun group of people and good times were had by all.  

Danny, Nick and Jeremy.. love these boys

Playing extreme bachi (sp?) ball

Onesie twins..

Love..

One month old

1 month..
 I can’t believe that a month has gone by since sweet baby Luke was born. It seems like only yesterday that I was pregnant with him waiting around for the day he decided to come into the world. This month has been such an interesting one. What has really surprised me about the whole thing is how natural everything has been becoming a mother. That’s not to say I’m a pro at it, I just haven’t really had a freak out situation or anything like that; we are just kind of taking things day by day. It has been such a special thing for me though. Some of my favorite moments are when Jered and I are laying in our bed just looking at baby Luke and it hits me that we are a family. I love going on family walks and just being together. The love I feel for him is so intense. It is a different kind of love than I’ve ever felt for anyone. I feel so responsible for him and his wellbeing and just want everything to be done right. That’s hard as a first time parent because there is so much that I don’t know, but I am learning a little more every day and so grateful he is finally here. I am also so grateful he is a little boy. When I was first pregnant, I was so convinced he was a girl that I felt a little let down when I found out he was a boy. But now, I can’t imagine anything different. I am so happy we are starting out little family having a boy as the oldest.

Here are some things I want to remember about his first month:
 - Luke is such an alert baby. From the second week he started staying up for long periods of time just looking around and checking out what was going on around him. My mom came when he was like 8 days old and was reading a book to him and he was already looking at the pictures!  - I love when he is looking at us and his eyes cross. It cracks me up. - He is such a long baby! Our nieces who are twins are eight months old are only 3 inches longer than Luke.
 - Along with being really long, his hands and feet are huge! He already fits in 6 month old socks and his hands are the same size as the twins.
 - He makes this cutest crying noise when we are holding him out and his head is back while he’s crying, it makes Jered and I laugh every time.
 - I love how he holds his hands. Unless he’s fussy or crying, his hands are almost always either folded or crossed in front of him like a mummy.
 - He has amazing head control. From the time he was born, he has never just held his head against our chests, he bobbles it back and forth which can be dangerous for those holding him. He has been known to give fat lips, head butts and bang into unsuspecting collar bones.
 - He’s already super manly. 100% boy. We call him our little gremlin because he is constantly growling and snorting when he eats and passes gas and belches like, well a man.
 - I can’t get over his red hair. I think it is the cutest thing and I’m so happy he has it. When he wakes up he gets the most adorable fuzz ball bed head.

 He is growing up so fast! I can’t believe it. All day yesterday every time I was talking to him I just kept telling him how big he was getting and how I didn’t want him to grow up so fast. He is already bigger than most babies a month older than him so I feel like I’m getting kind of gipped in the ‘having a small baby for at least two months” category.

        Reading with grandma

 Bathtime

 The classic Luke arm fold

 Tummy time with daddy

Sleeping with mommy