Friday, March 30, 2012

Becoming a mom

These last couple of days have been rocky.  Now that Luke is six weeks old, I feel like this is when all the books and everything online say to start getting more serious about schedules and sleep and everything.  It has kind of been stressing me out because I feel like Luke is all over the place still which I'm also told is normal but it's not really ideal when trying to schedule things.  Yesterday, however, was a train wreck and it made me so nervous that he was starting to develop bad habits because of me just letting him do whatever.  He somehow got ridiculously over tired and ended up sleeping for about 20 minutes in the morning and then again at like 3 and that was it until midnight.  He was fussy and wanted to nurse and every time I took him off he would scream.  Needless to say, I was frustrated and at my whits end... BUT I had a great conversation with my wonderful friend Lindsey Millet who was full of helpful advise which I have been trying to implement today and it has made a world of difference...the kid is sleeping as we speak.  

The point of all this is that while previously mentioned events ensued I found myself questioning my ability as a mother.  I also found myself losing patience, something I try really hard not to do with Luke.  But it made me realize something; this is what motherhood is all about.  If we all had perfect children, what would be the point?  A perfect and trial-less life never made anyone a better person.  This is what raising a family is for, why the brethren stress is so much, why God stresses it so much.  It is the best way to become a selfless person.  As I was sorting through my emotions yesterday I remembered experiencing a similar feeling while in the MTC.  I was completely overwhelmed and in over my head wondering what on earth I was doing when the thought came to me, "you aren't a missionary because you got set apart and have a batch on, you have to become a missionary."  It is an experience I have always remembered, and as that memory came into my head, I realized that the same principle applied here.  Yes I am a mother in the literal sense of the word when my baby is born, but emotionally spiritually and in every other way, I have to become a mother.  Just like I have to become a good wife and become a worthy daughter of my Father in Heaven. It reminded me of the scripture in Ether about having our weaknesses becoming out strengths.  And I went to bed last night happy for the chance to start again today, to become a better mom. 
Love this boy...


Company and a trip to the river!

The past couple weeks have been crazy!  We have had so much company, it has been so fun.  At the beginning of March, we had our dear friend Elise come down and stay with us.  I'm so glad she got to come down and meet baby Luke and I'm STOKED because she just found out she is having a boy too!  That makes three besties, Andra, Elise and I who are all going to have first boys. I'm sad that they will live in three different states though.  A couple of days after Elise left, my brother Tay and sister-in-law Ash came down over their Spring break.  We partied hard but were bummed because it rained the whole weekend they were here.  We loved having them though, they just really laid back and fun to have around.  I wish they lived closer!  Some day... The next week, my mom flew down for a quick visit (less than 24 hours) to see baby Luke.  We spent the day at Santa Monica Pier which was beautiful.  I love being at home and having the time to play when people come down!
Note: These pics are all from my phone so some of them are really blurry.. don't judge
This past weekend we went to the Colorado River with some friends.  It was so fun to get out again and have the energy to do it!  Baby Lu was a hit, everyone was so sweet with him.  It was a way fun group of people and good times were had by all.  
Danny, Nick and Jeremy.. love these boys
Playing extreme bachi (sp?) ball
Onesie twins..

Monday, March 19, 2012

One month old

1 month..
 I can’t believe that a month has gone by since sweet baby Luke was born. It seems like only yesterday that I was pregnant with him waiting around for the day he decided to come into the world. This month has been such an interesting one. What has really surprised me about the whole thing is how natural everything has been becoming a mother. That’s not to say I’m a pro at it, I just haven’t really had a freak out situation or anything like that; we are just kind of taking things day by day. It has been such a special thing for me though. Some of my favorite moments are when Jered and I are laying in our bed just looking at baby Luke and it hits me that we are a family. I love going on family walks and just being together. The love I feel for him is so intense. It is a different kind of love than I’ve ever felt for anyone. I feel so responsible for him and his wellbeing and just want everything to be done right. That’s hard as a first time parent because there is so much that I don’t know, but I am learning a little more every day and so grateful he is finally here. I am also so grateful he is a little boy. When I was first pregnant, I was so convinced he was a girl that I felt a little let down when I found out he was a boy. But now, I can’t imagine anything different. I am so happy we are starting out little family having a boy as the oldest.

Here are some things I want to remember about his first month:
 - Luke is such an alert baby. From the second week he started staying up for long periods of time just looking around and checking out what was going on around him. My mom came when he was like 8 days old and was reading a book to him and he was already looking at the pictures!  - I love when he is looking at us and his eyes cross. It cracks me up. - He is such a long baby! Our nieces who are twins are eight months old are only 3 inches longer than Luke.
 - Along with being really long, his hands and feet are huge! He already fits in 6 month old socks and his hands are the same size as the twins.
 - He makes this cutest crying noise when we are holding him out and his head is back while he’s crying, it makes Jered and I laugh every time.
 - I love how he holds his hands. Unless he’s fussy or crying, his hands are almost always either folded or crossed in front of him like a mummy.
 - He has amazing head control. From the time he was born, he has never just held his head against our chests, he bobbles it back and forth which can be dangerous for those holding him. He has been known to give fat lips, head butts and bang into unsuspecting collar bones.
 - He’s already super manly. 100% boy. We call him our little gremlin because he is constantly growling and snorting when he eats and passes gas and belches like, well a man.
 - I can’t get over his red hair. I think it is the cutest thing and I’m so happy he has it. When he wakes up he gets the most adorable fuzz ball bed head.

 He is growing up so fast! I can’t believe it. All day yesterday every time I was talking to him I just kept telling him how big he was getting and how I didn’t want him to grow up so fast. He is already bigger than most babies a month older than him so I feel like I’m getting kind of gipped in the ‘having a small baby for at least two months” category.
        Reading with grandma
 The classic Luke arm fold
 Tummy time with daddy
Sleeping with mommy