Becoming a mom

These last couple of days have been rocky.  Now that Luke is six weeks old, I feel like this is when all the books and everything online say to start getting more serious about schedules and sleep and everything.  It has kind of been stressing me out because I feel like Luke is all over the place still which I'm also told is normal but it's not really ideal when trying to schedule things.  Yesterday, however, was a train wreck and it made me so nervous that he was starting to develop bad habits because of me just letting him do whatever.  He somehow got ridiculously over tired and ended up sleeping for about 20 minutes in the morning and then again at like 3 and that was it until midnight.  He was fussy and wanted to nurse and every time I took him off he would scream.  Needless to say, I was frustrated and at my whits end... BUT I had a great conversation with my wonderful friend Lindsey Millet who was full of helpful advise which I have been trying to implement today and it has made a world of difference...the kid is sleeping as we speak.  

The point of all this is that while previously mentioned events ensued I found myself questioning my ability as a mother.  I also found myself losing patience, something I try really hard not to do with Luke.  But it made me realize something; this is what motherhood is all about.  If we all had perfect children, what would be the point?  A perfect and trial-less life never made anyone a better person.  This is what raising a family is for, why the brethren stress is so much, why God stresses it so much.  It is the best way to become a selfless person.  As I was sorting through my emotions yesterday I remembered experiencing a similar feeling while in the MTC.  I was completely overwhelmed and in over my head wondering what on earth I was doing when the thought came to me, "you aren't a missionary because you got set apart and have a batch on, you have to become a missionary."  It is an experience I have always remembered, and as that memory came into my head, I realized that the same principle applied here.  Yes I am a mother in the literal sense of the word when my baby is born, but emotionally spiritually and in every other way, I have to become a mother.  Just like I have to become a good wife and become a worthy daughter of my Father in Heaven. It reminded me of the scripture in Ether about having our weaknesses becoming out strengths.  And I went to bed last night happy for the chance to start again today, to become a better mom. 

Love this boy...