Friday, July 13, 2012

A late night thought..

Sometimes I think to myself, “my life is little.”  I live in a little apartment and am a wife and mother to a sweet five-month-old baby.  That is my basic role.  Now, of course there is nothing wrong with this role, I love it, but in the scheme of things, sometimes it feels..well small, not insignificant, but small.  Often it’s easy to see others and their talents and think, what do I have to offer?  Sometimes, I think this world where we are so connected does a disservice because things like blogs and Facebook can give the illusion of perfection.  It is easy to read someone’s blog or see how crafty or talented they are and think, wait, am I doing something wrong? I’m not a, b, and c.  
Life is ever changing and it is so easy to look ahead and think, well, when I buy a house then this will happen or when I have more money than this will change.  But, I don’t think that is what life is about.  There is always something to look forward to, but I don’t know if that is always the best thing to focus on.  Sometimes, we just need to stop and look around and love what we have and where we are right then.  The life of a stay at home mom isn’t glamorous, but it is familiar and comfortable and wonderful all at the same time.  I took Luke in for his well check today, which also happened to be my old job, and looked around and didn’t miss it one bit.  I miss the people but I don’t miss working from 8 to 5.  I love that I am the steward of my time now.. love it.  I love that if I want to go to Utah for a few days I don’t have to fight with my supervisor for time off or wait for PTO to accrue.  It makes me feel more in control of my life.  But back to the point at hand, aside from this, it is easy to look at the world and all the great things people are doing and think.. what am I contributing to make this world a better place? 
Here’s the thing.. you can get really obsessed by all of that but the truth of the matter is.. the world is made up of ordinary people doing ordinary things.  That is what life is.  Ordinary moms (and dads and people in general, but in this case I’m talking about moms) doing their best everyday to raise their children the best they can and we are seeing the fruits of their labor everyday in a thousand different ways.  It was one ordinary mom who raised the wonderful doctor Luke saw today and the good friend who is so great to talk to and the sweet lady who checked me out at Target.  Really, the world is run by people who were raised by people like me.  Just people doing their best whatever that means to them. 

I’m doing some serious rambling here but it is something I wanted to get written down because it’s something I have been thinking about a lot.  There is this super popular blog called the daybook that I’m sure you’ve heard of but I actually copied and pasted something she wrote the other day because I thought it was so profound.  It kind of goes down a different vein talking more about relationships, but it can totally be applied to daily life. 

I have spent far too few moments treasuring the beauty of familiarity. The thought struck me late the other night when I was in the bathroom, cutting my husband's hair. I don't know why it struck me then. I've done it countless times before. But this time, somehow the simple intimacy of knowing exactly how he likes his hair and snipping my clippers accordingly while he watched me in the mirror seemed profound. There is something to be said about sharing your life with someone. Growing up and growing old together. Raising your children. That idea is often romanticized by stories and movies, but amidst the day to day living of that life, the appreciation for it can be lost. 

To be truly known by someone, with all facets of your past and present, your weaknesses and strengths exposed and still loved. That is beautiful. And getting to watch the little boy that I have with that someone, grow in his own familiarity with the world and with us, it's a bigger experience than the small words I have can describe. What a privilege it is to be the one that he knows better than anyone. And to experience the seemingly insignificant day-to-day of growing old together
with someone. To me there's nothing, even in the constant stream of new and exciting, that could top or fulfill as much as that warm familiarity.

I guess what I’m saying here is that life really is beautiful.  And all of those seemingly ordinary moments add up to be something so much bigger.  Relationships and growth and understanding and love and learning all come from ordinary moments that happen every day.  So, even if the majority of the world will never know who I am, I can be happy knowing that in my little world I am giving all that I have and trying to be a little better everyday.  I love the quote that says “bloom where you are planted.”  I think part of a happy life is learning to be happy wherever you are and doing whatever you’re doing.  That and choosing to be happy now, not later. 


  1. beautifully written mariah! i have been thinking about the same types of things & i really loved that post on the daybook. thanks for sharing. it's nice to know that others are feeling the same things... that's where blogs and facebook can sometimes be good. it helps me when people write about real life and not just all hearts and butterflies! it helps me remember that we are all just normal human beings with normal problems.

  2. I loved your blog, Beautifully written. We throw a tiny pebble in the water but the ripple effect is no small thing. It is no small thing either to raise a human being, and you are doing a wonderful job. Those ripples will be felt for generations to come.

  3. totally agree mariah. your little family is so beautiful! thanks for sharing (: