Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!

I wrote this post on June 5, the night we found out we were pregnant at like 1:00 am.  I'm glad that I wrote this because it was exactly how I was feeling when I found out.  I know this is pretty lengthy but I am going to try to keep a pretty consistent pregnancy journal on here so this is mostly for posterity...

Ok.. so, I'm feeling a little sureal right now.  I don't even really know how to explain how I feel.I guess i should explain why i'm feeling this way.  Back in February, I went off birth control.  Jered and i had talked about it and we had decided we were ready to start trying to get pregnant.  The thing was, I had been wanting to try for already like 5 months but that was what we compromised on.  So I was all gung ho once I went off birth control and was thinking I would get pregnant hopefully in the next two months.  Two months came and went and no baby.  And I was reading into it WAY more than I should have been but after those two month I was still ok.  But when April came and went and it was still no dice, I was started to freak out a bit.  I was frustrated by trying to figure out my ovulation and felt like I was doing everything right so what was the problem.  In May, I bought the little ovulation tester thingys to take out some of the guess work but they looked the same to me every day.  So we did our best but I was starting to be resigned to the fact that this was going to take a lot longer than I originally thought.  Anyway, last week, I started counting down to the days until my period.  This week, I knew I was supposed to start on Thursday or Friday and I was going to try to wait until I officially missed my period but by Wednesday I was so antsy I took the test anyway.  I just wanted to know if I wasn't pregnant so I could start accepting the fact that it wouldn't be this month so I could stop worrying about it.  The test was negative.  It was what I had expected, but I was still sad.  Jered was really sweet and when I came home he had bought me flowers and cleaned up and hugged me and told me he was sorry and that we would try next month.  Alright I thought, then let me just start my period already.  Thursday came and went and nothing.  By the end of the day, my co-worker convinced me to take one of the fancy doctor tests just to make sure and sure enough, it says negative right away.  Well, Friday came and went and still nothing.  Saturday too.. then, Saturday night about 10 oclock, after still nothing, I decided I would take my last pregnancy test just to make triple sure (I know, I'm a nut case) The test was one of those really cheapy ones that barely shows up the negative line let alone the positive.  I took it and one line showed up right away.  "That's it" I thought.  No more tests, just wait until you start!! Well, as I walked out of the bathroom, I saw the faintest glimpse of a crossing pink line over the negative one (if you're preggo, it makes a plus, if not just one straight line) I looked at it again thinking it must be the lighting and had Jered come look at it.  Does that look like a line?  I asked.  I think so, he said unsure.  We let it sit another minute and looked again. yeah, he said, that's definitely a line.  I don't believe it, I said doubtfully. Should we buy another one just to make sure?  Yeah.. he said, lets buy another one. We walked out to our car in silence, both a little unsure of what was going on.  Hadn't I already done this twice and it had said no?  What was going on.  This is the LAST thing I was expecting.  We bought the really expensive test that digitally flashes pregnant or not pregnant and I went into the bathroom telling myself the whole time not to get my hopes up it was probably a mistake and that I was never going to buy a cheapy pregnancy test again. Well, I took the test with baited breath.. watched as the little moniter blinked a hour glass, and screamed when it flashed pregnant.  There was no denying it.  This was the real thing.
Now, as I sit here, I feel different than I thought I would.  I feel so calm, and not even super excited or happy.  Just calm.  I think it's because i'm still waiting for someone to yell april fools or to take another test that says negative. i am 2 and 2.  I was looking up stuff about the first trimester tonight and it seemed like i was just doing it for some day when I would be pregnant.  Weird.  I don't think it will really sink in until i hear the babies heart beat for the first time. For now, I have felt 0 symptoms.  I'm not sure how to take that.  But for now, I just feel an enormous amount of relief and a little but of shock.  I am so grateful that I didn't have to wait a year like I thought I might.
More to come. .

                                 Pretty sunflowers my boo bought before we knew..

                                 Gotta show the pee stick right?  All part of the pregnancy post!